The first major challenge when it comes to boxing is that we are taught to win
at the expense of others. When we get boxing a fight or disagreement, its as if
many of us step into a boxing ring and fight against one anotherinstead of
realizing that we are actually on the same team.
Three Conflict Response Styles and Strategies
When we play the adversarial game of conflict, there needs to be a winner and a
loser. During a conflict with at least two opponents, the following two
strategies are typically used:
1. "Punch Response" This involves one fighter getting caught up in the
heat of the moment and letting it ripno holds barred. "Punches" below the belt
include berating, demanding, accusing and defending. This boxing also includes
physical boxing yelling, screaming, and saying things that we might regret later
on. Generally, even if one opponent wins, the other finds ways to get back at
him or her in the next rematch.
2. "Pull Back Response" With this strategy, one person will choose to
be the ostrich with its head in the sand. This opponent will call a timeout,
so to speak. But this only postpones the game, since boxing timeouts come to an
end. One can pull back by withholding sex (or love), using the silent treatment,
taking long timeouts of hours or days, or by ignoring the issue entirely boxing
ultimately leads to an explosive match later on).
The above two response styles are doomed to failure simply because they make the
other person the enemythe person to beat (emotionally or verbally).
There is another conflict response style, however, that leads to greater
understanding and resolves conflicts. It boxing the other person into the role
of partneran ally sharing a common goal of transforming conflict into harmony.
3. "Potential Response" This strategy focuses on the potential of
working towards a common goal to find a mutually beneficial solution that can
lead to a "win" for the entire team. Those who use this conflict response style
know that sometimes we must move through the darkness of conflict to get to the
light of deeper connection. From this position, individuals affirm what is good
about their unionknowing that understanding, compromise and compassion will
help everyone triumph in the end.
This last approach is the only approach which makes everyone a winner. Perhaps
you relate to this style or to the previous two styles. Regardless of which
style you lean toward, all of us can learn how to utilize strategies that can
prevent conflict from coming between us.
Conflict Resolution: Tips to Ensure We All Win!
If you want to create and maintain harmony in your family, it is important to
remember that all our family members (including ourselves) are on the same team.
If anyone of us feels like a loser, it will bring us all down.
One of the best ways to ensure family happiness is to not get into conflict in
the first place. Just know that when it comes to parenting, you dont have to
restrict, engage or commentsometimes doing so will only fuel the fire of
conflict. Here are three conflict resolution tips that can help keep you out of
the parenting deep end:
1. Notice What You Like about Your Family Members. Human beings thrive
with encouragement. The more you notice what it is that you like, the more your
family members will be inspired to do more of it.
2.
Get a Life! We tend to nag and criticize when we are not happy in our
own life. Get a boxing life that you are passionate aboutfor the sake of your
loved ones. The happier and more fulfilled you are, the less you will experience
conflict.
3.
Practice Doing it Well. When you mess up, apologize (yes, parents can
apologize too!). Then perform what I call a Daring Do Over from Chapter 9 of
my book, When Youre About To Go Off The Deep End, Dont Take Your Kids With
You. Simply ask to do it over again (like role playing). This time don't just
wish you'd done better: actually do better.
We all use different conflict response styles and strategies. The key is to
figure out if what we are doing now is working for us or not. If not, then try
using the Potential Response" or a "Daring Do Over" to ensure everyone wins.
Kelly Nault, MA author of When Youre About To Go Off The Deep End, Dont Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves firstfor the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her free online parenting course here.
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